Sunday, March 13, 2011
So a few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends on twitter (yet another social media thing that I got super into, and then abandon here and there), and we got to talking about our blogs, and why we havent updated them lately. You see, she hasn't updated hers in about as long as me. Now this isn't a direct quote, but she said her reason was something along the lines of, "I dont have anything happy to write about". I told her, I know EXACTLY what you mean!
Honestly though, I'm not saying I'm depressed everyday all day. But, life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Things get tough, and then I don't know, I like shrink away from all my social networking. I go into hibernation. And I really hate that i do that. I think about how much the Internet helped me when I was a sahm; it was my connection to the world. And then here I am, slamming the door in it's face when life gets hard. Some friend I am. Pshht.
Or you know, it could be that I'm just too lazy to blog (: Yeah. It's probably just that. But I miss it. I lay in bed at night with all these awesome things to blog. And then don't do it. Like, how Olivia has turned into a mini me. And how I really think our dog needs a friend. Like maybe a Boston terrier. Or that theeee cutest wedges at forever21 and can't wait to show them to the world. See. It goes on and on.
Miss you cyber world.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Gotta story. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.
On Thursday, Art and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage. Whoa. Did I just type that? Shit. I'm old! Anyways..since it happens to fall on a Thursday, we haven't had any luck in getting a sitter. So we planned on doing brunch and a movie Friday while the kids are at school. Good idea, yes? Well....
Last night after sending the kids to bed, Maya had come to find me--she had a paper in her hand. She tells me she had forgotten to give me the paper earlier. So I take it from her and kinda scan it. Immediately I knew what it was, and it broke my heart. A field trip to Kingsbury Hall to watch a play of Frog and Toad; Mayas favorite favorite characters from her favorite books. Cue puppy dog eyes and her sweet little voice "momma can you pweeese come wiff me?".
Argh. I'm a sucker for the eyes. The sweet baby voice; she is still my baby after all. I scootch her off to bed, and with my head hanging low, I go to relay the news to Art. Of course he has this brilliant idea that we should both go on the field trip. Make it a date. While I think its sweet, I didn't quite imagine spending our anniversary with so many kids!
So tonight I sat Maya down and explained the situation. She paid very close attention, nodding along as I explained why it was a special day for daddy and I. Then when I'm done, I asked her what she thought. So she took a deep breath and said " I think you should spend your anniversary with daddy". And then it happened. The biggest, wettest crocodile tear this side of the Mississippi. SIGH. She is good.
So, here I sit, still not knowing what to do. Break my daughters heart...or spend my anniversary in the company of at least a hundred 2nd graders?
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
-who knew that it would still be freezing rain in the middle of may? Or is it the end of may now? Such awesome Utah weather.
-whats new? Well recently started a second job. Pay Is great. But lets be honest: I'm lazy. So Its very very questionable how long I'll be able to keep up this charade. I currantly work outside the home from 6pm to 12am..then come home and work until 2:30am, get the kids up for school at 7, then work till about 9 or 10am..then nap. Eat. Shower. Repeat.
-kids have like two weeks left of school. Can't decide if I'm excited or not lol
-i have a huge summer wishlist building up. One of those is a trampoline for the kidlets. Figure its been awhile since we've had any broken bones around here and we should do something about that. Ha!
-another list that keeps growing much to my chagrin is household items that need replaced. Like the water heater that is temperamental and will only heat up or stay lit when it feels like it. I think it has pms. Then the dryer decided it was going to strike as well and not turn. Awesome. Then today the lawnmower joined the union. Thankfully after the front was mowed. However the backyard is still a jungle. I told Art that it probably stopped working because it was pissed off for not being used often enough. :p
-funny thing that happened this weekend; took the kids to the living traditions festival, lots of fun free stuff to do. We were walking around after Olivia had gotten a henna tattoo (which she was annoyed with because she kept getting her sleeve in it) and I hear her say "that's nice. That's REAL nice." I turn around to see why she's being so snarky -- then I see it. Bird poop. On her shoulder. I laughed. And laughed. Which in turn caused her to cry and tell me that she was ready to go home. Now. Lol. I only was laughing at her comment. Oh well. She survived.
-the pictures are from Saturday after they made some Mexican paper flowers. Olivia refused to smile. Per usual. Le sigh.
Friday, April 16, 2010
i've recently lost someone close to me. maybe thats not the right wording. no one died, but a relationship did...so i guess i'm mourning that the way i would as if someone had passed. i lost my bff. people change. priorities. differences happen. it stung. shocked me. i felt that i had found my person. she WAS my person. is. i dont think i've been this hurt over a friendship..well..ever.
it was me. it was her. it doesnt matter.. the only relevent thing is that i've felt lost since then. i second guess everything i say and do. i question whether or not i'm being nice, supporting and encouraging or even friendly enough to the people in my life.. i worry that i keep my mouth shut when really i should be supporting--i worry i shouldnt be supporting or giving advice, and that i should just mind my own business. but then i feel weird for being so quiet. everything feels all wrong. i've never worried about what i said or how i react to things so much before; i'm so self conscience now. i have no self esteem. i feel like i'm not worthy of being friends with anyone. this one person, my bestie--she knew me better than anyone in the world, probably better than i knew myself. i cant help but feel that because of that, who i am, that that is the reason we are no longer friends. i have been shaken to my very core. i am re-thinking everything, how i dress, what i find funny, who i spend time with, where i go..how i speak, what i think. i miss her. i miss us. i am lonely and sad all too often. and i remember once again what is like having to make new friends again. how hard it is as an adult, trying so hard to be accepted. hoping that someone will see something in me that they will like and fearing they wont see anything at all that is appealing to them. i hate this. self loathing. this isnt me, but yet i can think of nothing else. sometimes i tell myself its like that saying, that people are in your life sometimes for a reason or season, or whatever gay thing it says. you know which one i'm talking about? anyways. i've been having a hard time adjusting. not having that one person i can spill everything to. good things and bad. that person i can let my guard down with, and just be silly and goofy..its thrown me off. but i'm hopeful. i'm hopeful that i will find myself again, and maybe not be too worried about how others see me. true friendship. i'm positive i'll find it again.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
-its not as if i lead an ultra exciting and busy life. because i dont. i think its pretty average. yet, i'm still unable to bring myself to pull up my chair and write my thoughts down for a few minutes. and in all actuality, i'm already sitting here, usually working, so its not like i'd be going out of my way, turning on the computer, etc. ah well. what counts is that, today, i'm blogging..so the let the updating commence!
-art lost his job about a month ago. totally shocked. kinda still am. but, it might just have a silver lining. we've been talking about him going to school, which is always a good thing.