wanted to say that i got a LO picked up for the Scrappin Trends Ezine..so totally pumped about it!! and i did a lo today that i totally love. its the star one.
so emotions. i'm feeling a lot of them right now. first i'm feeling sad. feeling sad because my olivia is going to be five on monday...but we're celebrating on Saturday. sad because she isnt a baby anymore.
sad because she will be starting school...and i wont be there. i wont be there to help her learn i wont be there to see her making friends. i'm sad. i'll be ok. but i need to just be sad right now.i'm also feeling tired. and thats a good thing. today is my second day back on the sibu. yesterday i could feel a bit of difference, but today, today i feel....i dont know. like the edge isn't as edgy. anyone with bipolar/depression/anxiety might know what i'm talking about. last week i had a horrible day. just horrible. i bawled most of that evening..after realizing what kind of day i had had. so hard to explain the emotions, the thoughts...its so blurry sometimes. art has been really good to me about it..i dont know if realizes how tough it is without meds..but we simply can't afford them. i try to control my thoughts..my sudden mood swings, but sometimes i'm just not strong enough.
i feel alone. lonely. right now i dont feel...loved? i dont know. me and carolyn are not on the same page the last couple of days..like we lost our mojo for sec. we haven't been able to hang out much without the kiddos. plus i'm in a mood. so that doesnt help. art is working nights..so our family schedule is all screwy. i miss him at night. i dont feel safe without him here. dont get me wrong, i love having the bed to myself..but there is something about him snoring/twitching that is oddly comforting to me. and i miss it. my mom. were off. i feel unimportant to her right now. it hurts. i'll get over it like i usually do..but right now, it hurts.
anywho...now that everyone is all depressed with me!! geez. ok. no more sad posts like that one!!
peace out! and happy days!!
okay..its not letting me post my lo's grrrrr..i'll try on another post. dang blogger
1 comment:
Wow, this is a very strong post. Thanks for sharing and opening up. Can't say I know how it feels, but I will keep you in my thoughts. Keep creating, with the wonderful LO's you create it has to help somewhat. Your pieces always put a smile on my face.
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